The Side Affects Of A Women Constantly Getting Hurt

The Mental Break Down

         When you are so use of heartache you become immune to let downs. You are no longer surprised when something you hope for falls through. Nothing seems to promising so you move through your relationships as if it can be over any day. Building no real connections with your partners only because you know in the back of your mind it's only temporary. We build serious insecurities about ourselves because of past relationship failures. You start to think you're not pretty, sexy, and smart enough to keep someone in your life. So you don't put in an efford to build something great you hold back only giving him what you think he wants and not what you know he needs. You're never happy with your partner because you are never really being yourself playing a role like its a play until the show is over. That's why we call it "The Game". A cycle that will always be relevant because our generation is too cool to be soft and too strong to be weak for love.

My Confession

  I am her the girl who's been let down so many times until it's made me numb.  I am her that girl who's afraid to open up her heart to love again because I always end up hurt and disappointed. I am her the girl who blocks out any form of affection from my partners because I'm scared my heart will be broken again for the thousandth time so I've built up so many walls to now it feels impossible to knock them down. I am her that insure girl who doesn't think she deserves that Prince Charming who comes and swipes her off her feet. I am her and I am you but would I want be for long is that girl who misses out on what I want because I'm still living off my past failures. For once I'm going to stick with something I think is worth sticking with I rather go after it and say I tried than live my life wishing I did. We have to start seeing things as blessings when it fails sometimes just because it's good to you doesn't mean it's good for you. You count your losses with a gain of knowledge you get wiser and better prepared to deal with the one that's coming to stay in your life forever. 

                  Life's Favorite Student,

                       Sherry 💌

                         

  

     

The Process Of Finally Finding Myself

I live for people with the drive for success the ones who don't settle,the ones who set the bar high for me, the ones who's not comfortable and content with living a basic life, the ones who aren't afraid so they dare to be different, the ones who are just like me. As I'm growing and learning I understand that it's most likely that I want be celebrating my success with my "Day Ones" as some will call it. Because my reality is that I was rocking with the wrong team the whole time. I'm not afraid of making new friends because it's usually the new people you let into your world that bring the extra boost you need to make you dreams come true. Although they are those rare and loyal old friends that genuinely has your best interest. But that moment you realize you don't have a friend to call and brainstorm with and lay out a master plan to better yourself just do the the unthinkable than it's time to do some rethinking. Sometimes as women we need that approval of others to feel relevant but in reality we are our own biggest fan and we have to start treating ourselves as such. I use to care about others opinion of me but I quickly realized that no one can live my life but me I define my own path and this is the time to figure out who's in my way of paving my road to success. Life is really a learning experience with no real handbook. So I started taking pride in making sure that I strive to be what my visions been showing me.. I am that girl that's going to have everything I set out to have, I am that girl who is going to touch people in ways she never thought she could, I am that girl who is what the world and my generation been missing. I've become so wise beyond my imagination I never thought I'll be in such a great place in my mind that I'll be able to recognize what's my purpose really understand my actions and be no longer afraid to face the world. Life has been so great to me and I don't own nothing materialistically of real value but I'm so rich off life that I can't complain. I'm not waiting on my moment I'm going find it! 

The Truth Hurts

I had a incident happened to me tonight that really made me question myself. I know I love myself and I'm damn proud of how far I've come but this was really tuff to deal with tonight. I was tweeting on twitter as I do every night then this guy I like and was converstating with over the phone started tweeting. We hung out a few times but something changed with us. Although I never asked him what happened to our friendship I was always curious about what went wrong because I really was happy with the person I was getting to know. But I never said anything else about it I just stop trying to reach out to him because he stopped reaching out to me. But every now and then we would make small talk over different social sites but never again did he ask me to come hangout with him but I was ok with the friendly gestures he gave me when we did see each other out in public. So tonight as I was doing my tweeting on twitter he jumped on there and I mistaked one of his tweets as if he was talking to me and the whole time it was directed to another female follower on twitter. I know my readers are saying well why do you feel some kind of way about that so this is why he ended up retweeting something she tweeted and that made me realize his tweets was directed towards her. So me being nosey I go see how she look and read some of her tweets and then I run across a tweet where she's implying to the question I tweeted while he's tweeting in regards to her agreeing to her statement around the same time I was tweeting "is he talking to me" because he said I'm about to text her and I thought he was referring that tweet to me. So yes I feel like the joke was on me honestly I really wanted him to be texting me so yes it hurt my feelings because I didn't deserve that inside joke they were having about me. I've been more then genuine to him I never been the type to judge another women but me honestly speaking for what I see she is a "basic". I know that might sound so mean and little bit like I'm hating but I'm not I have to be honest. But the crazy thing about this is she made me feel like the ugliest girl in the world. I felt so unattractive I just don't get how I always get disappointed and let down how nobody seem to see what I have to offer. How I get over looked and past by like my presence doesn't exsist. This is the kind of situation that makes me have low selfteem. I have so much to offer and the girl with nothing gets the guy that I thought I deserved. I can't win for losing even though I don't base my life just off love when I see it coming my way I do go for it. I've seen a life of happiness besides having love from a man but it's damn sure hard as hell to stay on that path of being content with what I have and what I may never get a chance to experience. The journey of my life is rocky but a promising one so I'm going to keep pushing. 

Jealously

Always remember not everyone is going to be in your corner. As I'm growing into the women I want to be I'm noticing how it's starting to effect some of the people around me. I have a lot of nonbelievers, doubters, and people who's praying for my downfall. I'm becoming so immune to people around me secretly hating that I'm not even surprised anymore. Although it still sucks and hurts to know that the same people you're willing to share your world with doesn't really want you to live it I'm strong enough now to cut off the dead weight. I no longer care if I have friends or others approval I'm unbothered by the fact I might not have the same friends to share my future success with. All I need is my family rite now my real supporters my rock my shoulder when I need someone to lean on my cloth when I need my tears wiped. My world is changing for the better and I'm thankful for the blessing. I guess this is my test god is showing me what's best I want ever be afraid to test the waters and push myself to the limits. This is what sets me apart from the rest I dare to be different and refuse to be a copy my whole life I've been told what I could and couldn't do now that I'm doing whatever I set my mind to I realize the sky is the limit I'm determined to push through these hard obstacles. Remember basic beings only recognize basic things. Not everyone is going to understand your drive but your life is not for everyone to understand because it's your life. I'm living with no regrets I'm living and learning as I go. I couldn't be in a more happier place. Thanks to you the ones who roll your eyes when I talk about my accomplishments the one who smacks your lip when I tell my testimony and the one who doubt my next power moves and the ones who's letting your envy for me take over I really appreciate it you give that extra pep that I need. I'm on the road to success let me show you how it's possible. Muah!

TRYING TO STAY HUMBLE

As I feel myself slowly drifting away from my humble being I'm trying to stay grounded. My upbringing wasn't me living in nice house driving nice cars going to nice restaurants and traveling all over the world. I didn't have the best of clothes and the cutest face I was the ugly duckling with the big feet and the short hair with the big teeth. I never got a chance to date the hottest boy in my class or the most poplar boy in school. I always had the leftovers the nobodies "Wannabes" the guy who had the same problems as me so we kind of settle for each other in a sense. I use to hope I had a date to a dance or to just be invited to one I always just wanted to be accepted. I was told that I would never amount to nothing but just a hoodrat. But I proved them wrong after went through a real life changing experience at 21yrs of age my whole outlook has changed on life. I pulled myself together gave my life to god a girl who once hated going to church was there front row praising him for opening my eyes to what I was blind to seeing for along time. I got a change to network and meet some elite people in Monroe La, landed a great job being a mortgage banker and was able to provide greatly for my kids and family. Although I stayed humble for a while and always thankful I started to get comfortable. I stop recognizing my blessings and started acting like this was owed to me I stop putting in the work that got me where I am now. I feel myself getting big headed and very vague I wanted this so bad to be able to just be somebody and now that I am I'm turning out to be the same person I didn't like in high school and college. Money changes us rather it's for the good or bad although I'm not rich and not where I wanna to be yet but I am in a great place financially. I'm just trying to get it back mentally. Since I started going backwards my bad luck is coming back I'm starting to lose things physically and I can't seem to pull it back together. I hate that I judge people that I was once like and started looking down on the ones who started with me. I feel horrible that I let myself get to that point. I'm recognizing my wrongs and trying to make them right I would love to be forgiven by those I hurt along the way because I didn't mean to make them feel that wasn't in my caliber and wasn't good enough to eat at my table. From this day forward I won't let my success ruin my relationships with my friends or family. I want to share my most greatest moments with them the people who has my back and love me the most.

The Break Down

Today I had the pleasure of sitting with a group of well educated and successful young women. Although their very successful and educated they're lonely. Money doesn't seem to be the cure to their happiness. I mean their insecurities were very baffling to me they are very attractive young women with flashy things and a presence that would light up a room. But they can't seem to light up a man's heart. While we sat and talked and discussed their issues I had a chance to see two of the women ex boyfriends which one was with his new girlfriend and I asked one of the girls how does it make her feel to see someone that she was once in love with in public with somebody else.  She replied that it doesn't bother her because he's a piece of shit and he had nothing going for hisself  to her he was a moocher "opportunist" that she took care of  throughout their relationship. So I asked her why did she waste her time with a deadend ass man which she had no future with and her answer was "because I just needed to feel love for that moment I just wanted to feel complete even if it meant buying my love and affection". That shocked me because I too am guilty of  wasting time with men that I know I have no future with. I instantly felt connected to these group of women for the first time in my life I figured out they are more young women like me dealing with the same insecurities and flaws of being a young single beautiful young women with a bright future ahead of them but can't seem to accomplish that one thing we want the most LOVE. Usually women like us fall through what I call the "Hopeless Love Story" what I mean by that we are the few young women that's probably going to encounter plenty of heartbreak and let downs in our life  and want ever find our Mr. Right and that perfectly imperfect love story. So how do young women like us get though life knowing that it's a good possibility we probably will forever be alone. We don't women like us feed off other ppl problems that's what get us through our dark days we fantasize about relationships that we'll never have that keeps us having hope. We also blame ourselves for being so good to a man which is normal trait of ours but since we get negative results for being a good women we tend to see the negative things in ourselves and always thinking it's us. But I am one that is growing into a more stronger and wiser young women and coming from the lowest part in my life I finally see where I have a sense of new insight on what my future holds with love and the men I choose to be in my world. But my real mission is to get to the root of why a lot of us young women have these issues about themselves and what's the cause of these things one thing I know from my own experiences that this pattern just don't start from having a few bad breakup this is something that stem for home before we jumped off the porch and into the world of dating, love, and sex.